Something has not been sitting quite right with me.
The more I understand about sleep, the science and the research, and as I work on refining my own offer of sleep coaching services, I have felt a growing niggle that the focus for my coaching is in the wrong place.
As soon as you shine a light on something that you want to improve or help, the opposite can occur. Rather than creating the conditions for excitement and empowerment, focusing on that “something” can cause it to become the object of worry and harsh critique.
Is there something wrong with me?
If I don’t do it this way, am I broken?
How do I fix this?
Everyone else seems to have their shit together – so what’s wrong with me?
Sleep doesn’t need fixing.
You don’t need fixing.
I don’t believe the fundamental issue I am working with is sleep. And therefore, perhaps we are missing something by shining the light into the sleep corner. Because nothing says “I must fall asleep” better than increasing the pressure on falling asleep better, right? We can probably all relate at some level to how hard it is to fall asleep when we are lying there assessing how well we are doing, and thinking, “I must fall asleep. Now. Right NOW!”
So, I don’t think it’s helpful to focus on sleep fixing. Sleep needs our support. And this is where it gets interesting. What might supporting sleep look like?
Supporting sleep can start by noticing the choices we make during the day. Because everything we do during the day, from the time we wake up until we hit the pillow, has an impact on sleep. Some of our choices will be pro-sleep choices, and some will get in the way of the body’s natural ability to sleep.
Who knew? I certainly didn’t. It’s taken me a long time to fully click into how often my life choices have either disrespected or enhanced the conditions for sleep.
So, rather than sleep, I want to propose it’s the choices we make that need the spotlight.
And this is where it goes from interesting to exciting, because once that light gets shining, it’s easier to see how your choices live in the zone of possibilities.
Choices are the result of decisions you make. And to make a decision, it means there is always at least one other alternative out there. In other words, in a life where there’s not much you can control, the choices you make are all yours.
Now that’s starting to sound like a space where change and transformation can occur!
So, when I see headlines like:
‘Good sleep’ is the new flex for 2026 (RNZ 2 March 2026) it feels like we are being directed towards the wrong goal.
–> What does “new flex” even mean?? (Gen Xer, owning it, right here.)
I can’t promise myself, let alone anyone else a ‘good sleep.’ What I can do, is help you, the way I have helped me, to identify and understand the choices that happen everyday, and work on tiny changes that set up the conditions for sleep.
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