Tag: choices

  • Sleep is not the problem

    Something has not been sitting quite right with me.

    The more I understand about sleep, the science and the research, and as I work on refining my own offer of sleep coaching services, I have felt a growing niggle that the focus for my coaching is in the wrong place.

    As soon as you shine a light on something that you want to improve or help, the opposite can occur. Rather than creating the conditions for excitement and empowerment, focusing on that “something” can cause it to become the object of worry and harsh critique.

    Is there something wrong with me?

    If I don’t do it this way, am I broken?

    How do I fix this?

    Everyone else seems to have their shit together – so what’s wrong with me?

    Sleep doesn’t need fixing. 

    You don’t need fixing.

    I don’t believe the fundamental issue I am working with is sleep. And therefore, perhaps we are missing something by shining the light into the sleep corner.  Because nothing says “I must fall asleep” better than increasing the pressure on falling asleep better, right? We can probably all relate at some level to how hard it is to fall asleep when we are lying there assessing how well we are doing, and thinking, “I must fall asleep. Now. Right NOW!”

    So, I don’t think it’s helpful to focus on sleep fixing. Sleep needs our support. And this is where it gets interesting. What might supporting sleep look like?

    Supporting sleep can start by noticing the choices we make during the day. Because everything we do during the day, from the time we wake up until we hit the pillow, has an impact on sleep. Some of our choices will be pro-sleep choices, and some will get in the way of the body’s natural ability to sleep.

    Coffee is one example of a delightful daytime choice that can impact your sleep.

    Who knew? I certainly didn’t. It’s taken me a long time to fully click into how often my life choices have either disrespected or enhanced the conditions for sleep.

    So, rather than sleep, I want to propose it’s the choices we make that need the spotlight.

    And this is where it goes from interesting to exciting, because once that light gets shining, it’s easier to see how your choices live in the zone of possibilities.

    Choices are the result of decisions you make. And to make a decision, it means there is always at least one other alternative out there. In other words, in a life where there’s not much you can control, the choices you make are all yours.

    Now that’s starting to sound like a space where change and transformation can occur!

    So, when I see headlines like:

    ‘Good sleep’ is the new flex for 2026 (RNZ 2 March 2026) it feels like we are being directed towards the wrong goal.

    –> What does “new flex” even mean?? (Gen Xer, owning it, right here.)

    I can’t promise myself, let alone anyone else a ‘good sleep.’  What I can do, is help you, the way I have helped me, to identify and understand the choices that happen everyday, and work on tiny changes that set up the conditions for sleep.

  • Wants and Needs

    I was having coffee with a friend recently, and we were talking about The Sleep Lab and discussing what healthy sleep looks like. Then they made a comment that has been bouncing around in my head ever since. 

    “I can look up anything I need to know about sleep. So, why would I need a sleep coach?”

    It’s a really good question. And one that I have been asked several times, and I keep on revisiting my answer.

    Yes, lots of people have access to lots of knowledge. We are undeniably living in the age of information. Yet, information is only useful if we know what to do with it. 

    a) do we always understand how to apply what we know?

    b) and even when we understand, do we always have the support, accountability and headspace to implement what we know?

    Sleep research talks about how sleep deprivation affects your brain, and when I started reading more about the science of sleep, I found this information clicked for me. 

    It’s also quite scary stuff.

    • 24 hours without sleep – you are operating like someone who is over the legal alcohol limit – behaviour that mimics being intoxicated – and yet how many of us have driven a car while sleep deprived?
    • 48 hours without sleep – starting to have micro-sleeps without being aware you have fallen asleep and the possibility of hallucinations.
    • 72 hours without sleep – difficulty distinguishing between what is real and what is not.

    So, getting back to the question, “why would I need a sleep coach?” We got this. 

    No one NEEDS a coach, right? 

    A couple of years ago, I made the decision to join a gym and take classes with a personal trainer. Why? Any of us could exercise on our own or at home. I can download “exercise at home” apps, and do press-ups on the living room floor every morning. But many of us (myself included!) struggle to make this effective, or a long-term commitment. Not because we are useless or undisciplined or lazy, but because it’s very difficult to keep turning up, be objective, give accurate feedback, and to do the energy boosting when it’s you coaching you.

    I know I can do things on my own. I can do exercise on a regular basis without a gym or a trainer. But am I going to push myself past where I think is comfortable? And the flip-side – am I able to support myself? Will I notice when I am over-doing it and accurately correct my form? Will I be kind when I need to be? And will I give myself helpful, constructive feedback that helps me make better choices?

    I might try to do all these things. But, if I am being honest with myself, I need external forces to help me be a better me.

    Dammit.

    So, a sleep coach might not be a necessity, but sleep is! And from my own experience, getting what you need is sometimes impossible without help. When you are sleep deprived, exhausted and run down, you are physically impaired and it’s extremely difficult to make good choices or decisions.

    Fundamentally, I see coaching as being ‘with you’. Not having all the answers, not telling you what to do. Instead, shining light on the resources and skills you already have and maybe nudging you towards your potential. When things are tough, that’s when you shouldn’t have to do it alone.

    When has coaching been useful for you?

  • Take one step

    If I had to choose one thing, and only one thing I could do every day that would make a difference to my sleep, it would be this.

    My morning walk.

    My sunrise serenade. My tired, drag-my-butt-outta-bed routine.

    Do I always want to get up? No.

    Will staying in bed make me feel any better? No.

    Do I get up every morning? Yes.

    The walk always wins. And for good reason. From all the reading I have done on healthy sleep and building good sleep habits, getting up first thing in the morning and getting a dose of fresh air and sunlight is right up there on all the “Top Tips For Improving Your Sleep” lists.

    Benefits:

    • getting sunlight helps reset your sleep/wake clock. The early morning light helps tell your brain that the day has started, and this will help you sleep at the right time when you go to bed at night
    • a consistent wake-up routine is really helpful for your sleep consistency overall
    • regular exercise is an important part of keeping healthy
    • walking is a great mood-booster, head-clearer and gets your day off to a positive start
    • the longer you fast overnight (from your evening meal to when you start eating food the next day) can also have health benefits, and delaying your breakfast and your morning coffee is even easier if you have something else to do – e.g., gulping fresh air as you skip around the block in your comfy sneakers like the morning walker that you are…

    So I want to share with you what setting up a morning walk might look like. Because it may sound like a good idea inside your head as you read this, but as we also all know, it only has benefits if you actually take those first steps and DO IT. So without a plan of action you know that tomorrow morning the chances of getting out of bed for that magical morning walk is highly unlikely.

    And that is why I am here to help get you from morning walk THINKER to morning walk DOER.

    The success of starting and maintaining a morning walk (or any habit) is to remove the obstacles that will stop the morning walk from happening. Therefore, your first steps are to reduce the decisions that need to be made, and have an easy plan to follow. So here’s my set up.

    Alarm.

    The alarm takes the decision making out of when to get up.

    I use an alarm because I have narcolepsy, and while the chances of me waking up at the same time every morning are very good, the chance that I will instantly fall back asleep is also very likely. So, alarm it is. That said, I have transitioned from a jingle jangle phone alarm, to a vibrate alarm on my watch. It’s a much more gentle awakening than a sing-song jingle jangle and it doesn’t have to wake anyone else.

    Walking clothes.

    These take the decision making out of what to wear.

    I have a whole walking outfit designed to be pulled on, half-asleep, in the dark. It’s only for walking, and it lives in the same place in the wardrobe (easy to find and no decisions need to be made. Just.Put.It.On.). There are layers for different seasons but everything fits with everything else and again, the decision making is limited to set options for set weather/temperature.

    Shoes.

    The comfy walk shoes are designated and the footwear decision is made.

    I have comfy walking shoes and I only wear these for the morning walk. So once the shoes go on, it’s morning walk time. These are set up by the front door, in “ready” position. Because these are my walking shoes and they have no other purpose in life than the morning walk, it would feel wrong not to let my shoes live the life they were meant for and take them out for a stroll every day.

    My trusty walking sneakers.

    Walking route.

    A pre-planned walk takes the decision making out of where to go.

    It’s easy if you don’t have to think about where you are going, so pre-design a walking track or two. I like to mix up the scenery a little, but effectively I have about three different walks I go on. All I have to do is decide which direction to kick off in, and then the walk maps itself. Making a decision at every street corner, juncture, or signpost about which way to go makes the walk more of an effort than it needs to be. It’s really relaxing when your body just knows where to go, and you can let your thoughts wander without needing to be alert to make choices.

    Attitude.

    A pre-determined mindset takes the don’t out of don’t want to.

    I wake up and I go for a walk. Non-negotiable. Again, there are no decisions that need to be made. Each morning, I get up with the attitude that the first thing I do is go for a morning walk. Raining? So it is. I will need to wear a jacket. Feeling really tired? Yes, I am. Maybe do the short loop instead of the long loop today. I don’t ask myself whether I want to go for a walk or not, I just go.

    Opportunities.

    Keeping curious makes the morning walk something to look forward to. No decisions needed.

    The morning walk is my thinking and meditating time. There is something so delicious about first thing in the morning – the day is untouched, brand new – and I notice the quiet and stillness. Perfect thought conditions. I also love the opportunity for sunrises. Before I became a morning walk kinda-person I didn’t know what I was missing out on. Now, I wouldn’t want to miss it! One of the other morning delights is noticing your neighbourhood. Walking slows everything down. You might see things you would otherwise have been oblivious to, and there are moments where you can connect (and high-5) with all the other morning walk people too.

    Sunrise makes it all worthwhile.

  • It’s your experiment

    It might not feel like it some days, but the good news is, you are in charge.

    Oh, this might need clarifying, as the reality is, despite our best efforts to seek some kind of control over life, none of us really are. Bummer huh? Or maybe deeply freeing?

    Regardless, the good news is you are in charge of your feelings and your responses.

    I know! Isn’t this exciting!

    No one else has the power to flick your switches on or off, unless you let them. The other great bit is no one else is to blame for the decisions you make and your response to things.

    Sure, I know, your neighbour playing their best of all drum ‘n’ bass from all eras all night long, is totally to blame for your lack of sleep and for feeling really grumpy …

    But, hang on…are they actually responsible for how you feel?

    Did they intentionally set out to keep you awake all night long? Good question. It might feel like it. But probably not – probably because they didn’t even think about you. So, even if the by-product of someone elses actions affects you directly, who has the problem – you or the neighbour?

    In this particular made-up-yet-quite-possible-scenario the neighbour is doing just fine (well, maybe sleep deprived too) but they are quite happy with the choice they made if all they are thinking about is just them. You, on the other hand, are sleep deprived, angry and frustrated by having a terrible night’s sleep, and ready to blame the neighbour for how you feel.

    This is all valid. The neighbour’s choices suck. It’s really hard when other people’s actions directly affect your quality of life. But they are not responsible for how you feel or for how you respond. These are your choices to make.

    And this is where it gets fun. You get to make choices. You have a whole lot of choices.

    By this, I just mean, despite any external pressures, expectations, responsibilities, or frustrations you are the one making the decisions.

    When work calls and asks you to do a last minute big ask (instead of you having a couple of hours free to just do you), do you feel like you have a choice? Or do you feel like you have to say yes to work? Does no even feel like an option? Because, guess what, it is an option.

    No, I won’t do X-thing today because I am putting time aside for me, is a very valid decision. Even when you might have time for X-thing, and X-thing might seem like a non-negotiable because it’s a Very. Important. Thing.

    You still have a choice. You always have choices. Of course, choices have consequences. And sometimes knowing the consequences might feel like that particular choice is not an option.

    Weighing choice against consequence – the thing I want to do vs. the result of this action – two things that are part of the beautiful balance of life.

    The Sleep Lab gives you permission to dive into some of this stuff. And a lot of these intentions live within The Sleep Lab name.

    We decided to call this sleep coaching venture The Sleep Lab because it conjures up several images:

    1. a place where research and new information can be gathered
    2. somewhere that gives permission to try things out and test what you know/don’t know
    3. the container to start designing your own change experiments
    4. a gathering point for personal scientists (that’s you!) to run experiments, observe the data, and collect evidence about your own needs, quirks, best practice

    The Sleep Lab is an opportunity to realise your own agency – particularly in relation to your sleep, and the choices you make that affect the quality of your sleep.

    By entering your “personal scientist” persona, it can create a new perspective to examine your own choices (cos let’s be honest, self-examination is not everyone’s jam, and it can feel a wee bit uncomfortable if you haven’t been brought up in that kinda space).

    Back to that choice/consequence balance of life.

    I don’t know about you, but I feel a whole lot more intrigued by running my own little Liesel Lab (with yours truly as Head Personal Scientist of the Liesel Lab) with daily decisions treated as experiments rather than measuring myself by how failed or successful today’s decision-making went. It’s all just learning.

    What are your thoughts?