the sleep lab

Tag: sleep

  • Live on air

    How hard can it be to whip up a podcast?

    It seems like anyone can do it. So why not give it a go?

    Easy.

    Guess what? It’s not.

    I had this quite naive idea that recording a podcast would just “fit in” quite conveniently between other projects. How hard can it be? You just have to chat into a microphone about your magnificent passion, and then send said (brilliant) chat out into the ether to delight and entertain. Piece of cake.

    When I told my dad I had decided to record a podcast about sleep, he turned up at my place with a bible-like book, handed it to me, and said, “you might need this.”

    I didn’t think I would. Cos, like, I GOT this. But it didn’t take long before I was opening up the podcast bible, desperate for the tips and tricks scattered through the pages aimed at people just like me.

    Actually, the podcast bible is a great starting point for anyone keen to get podcasting.

    Who knew you needed to think things through? Have a plan? Work out who you want to talk to ? Well, folks, apparently THIS is the difference between wing it and win it.

    The podcast bible (to be henceforth known as PCB) taught me that I needed to be clear who my audience was likely to be:

    “Podcasting is narrowcasting. Active-casting. Niche-casting, if you will. It’s an experience that listeners deliberately seek out” (p.10).

    I also discovered via my trusty PCB it’s really good to record and listen to yourself BEFORE you hit the “send out to the podcast universe” button.

    Why? The PCB has some compelling reasons:

    First, pay attention to how many times that old friend “um” and it’s close buddy, “ah” turn up at the podcast party.

    And, um…they turn up A LOT. Previously, I never gave my wee pause cherubs much attention. I thought they made me sound smart and thoughtful.

    Three Cherubs Two Boys Clouds

    Until I listened to me talking to me.

    And the verdict is, PCB is right, the pause cherubs have to go.

    So, I’m trying to replace them with silence instead.

    EEEEEK! Don’t worry, not too much (don’t want the dreaded dead air) but actually a second or two of sweet nothing can be quite appropriate – and better than a limp and useless “ah….”

    Second pointer from the PCB, I discovered that having confidence in my ability to talk into a microphone is not enough. If I want to sound any good (to other people) then I have to practice.

    So, as weird as it felt, standing in the lounge recording me talking to me, it was actually very helpful advice. Because while an authentic and spontaneous sounding vibe might be what I’m aiming for, the first recording is not usually the best recording.

    There is spontaneous, and then there is just rough.

    Third gem from the PCB – keep your voice limber – you are now a voice athlete. The PCB even provides some practical recommendations for voice warm ups (with example exercises). I can get on board with warming up. I’ve done warm ups before. And yet, I am still having trouble getting fully sold on the dog panting warm up exercise. Complete with an intriguing range of panting options – from Chihuahua to Labrador to the peak pant point as quoted below:

    “Finally, a St. Bernard. This is focused at the bottom of your ribcage and your belly. Breathe deeper, in and out, for ten seconds, feeling your belly and lungs swell and contract like an accordion as you pant” (p.70)

    Tongue twisters are more my thing. These fun vocal warm ups took me back to my theatre days, where we would warm up in the green room before going on stage, with “red leather, yellow leather” and “New York’s unique, unique New York” on repeat.

    So, yes, I can grudgingly say, and the PCB made it crystal chandelier clear, to sound professionally spontaneous, you have to rehearse. More than once.

    While I have been writing this post, it’s helped me see that maybe I have learned a few things along the way (thank you PCB). While “easy-peasy-podcasting” hasn’t quite panned out to be the carefree ride I had imagined, I have begun to understand getting a podcast off the ground is actually even more fun with some preparation. I will leave you here, as the podcast bible says it best:

    “Basically, if we want the direct, dynamic, interactive, and intimate relationship with listeners that podcasts can offer, then we’ve got to be worthy of the trust our listeners place in us. That begins and ends with giving them the best-quality content we can” (p.16).

    I’m giving it a go.

    The Sleep Lab Stories will be broadcasting out into the world – and right to your door – on all your fave podcast platforms from the 21st June. And of course, you can listen on OAR FM too.

    Watch this space…

  • Sleep is not the problem

    Something has not been sitting quite right with me.

    The more I understand about sleep, the science and the research, and as I work on refining my own offer of sleep coaching services, I have felt a growing niggle that the focus for my coaching is in the wrong place.

    As soon as you shine a light on something that you want to improve or help, the opposite can occur. Rather than creating the conditions for excitement and empowerment, focusing on that “something” can cause it to become the object of worry and harsh critique.

    Is there something wrong with me?

    If I don’t do it this way, am I broken?

    How do I fix this?

    Everyone else seems to have their shit together – so what’s wrong with me?

    Sleep doesn’t need fixing. 

    You don’t need fixing.

    I don’t believe the fundamental issue I am working with is sleep. And therefore, perhaps we are missing something by shining the light into the sleep corner.  Because nothing says “I must fall asleep” better than increasing the pressure on falling asleep better, right? We can probably all relate at some level to how hard it is to fall asleep when we are lying there assessing how well we are doing, and thinking, “I must fall asleep. Now. Right NOW!”

    So, I don’t think it’s helpful to focus on sleep fixing. Sleep needs our support. And this is where it gets interesting. What might supporting sleep look like?

    Supporting sleep can start by noticing the choices we make during the day. Because everything we do during the day, from the time we wake up until we hit the pillow, has an impact on sleep. Some of our choices will be pro-sleep choices, and some will get in the way of the body’s natural ability to sleep.

    Coffee is one example of a delightful daytime choice that can impact your sleep.

    Who knew? I certainly didn’t. It’s taken me a long time to fully click into how often my life choices have either disrespected or enhanced the conditions for sleep.

    So, rather than sleep, I want to propose it’s the choices we make that need the spotlight.

    And this is where it goes from interesting to exciting, because once that light gets shining, it’s easier to see how your choices live in the zone of possibilities.

    Choices are the result of decisions you make. And to make a decision, it means there is always at least one other alternative out there. In other words, in a life where there’s not much you can control, the choices you make are all yours.

    Now that’s starting to sound like a space where change and transformation can occur!

    So, when I see headlines like:

    ‘Good sleep’ is the new flex for 2026 (RNZ 2 March 2026) it feels like we are being directed towards the wrong goal.

    –> What does “new flex” even mean?? (Gen Xer, owning it, right here.)

    I can’t promise myself, let alone anyone else a ‘good sleep.’  What I can do, is help you, the way I have helped me, to identify and understand the choices that happen everyday, and work on tiny changes that set up the conditions for sleep.

  • Wants and Needs

    I was having coffee with a friend recently, and we were talking about The Sleep Lab and discussing what healthy sleep looks like. Then they made a comment that has been bouncing around in my head ever since. 

    “I can look up anything I need to know about sleep. So, why would I need a sleep coach?”

    It’s a really good question. And one that I have been asked several times, and I keep on revisiting my answer.

    Yes, lots of people have access to lots of knowledge. We are undeniably living in the age of information. Yet, information is only useful if we know what to do with it. 

    a) do we always understand how to apply what we know?

    b) and even when we understand, do we always have the support, accountability and headspace to implement what we know?

    Sleep research talks about how sleep deprivation affects your brain, and when I started reading more about the science of sleep, I found this information clicked for me. 

    It’s also quite scary stuff.

    • 24 hours without sleep – you are operating like someone who is over the legal alcohol limit – behaviour that mimics being intoxicated – and yet how many of us have driven a car while sleep deprived?
    • 48 hours without sleep – starting to have micro-sleeps without being aware you have fallen asleep and the possibility of hallucinations.
    • 72 hours without sleep – difficulty distinguishing between what is real and what is not.

    So, getting back to the question, “why would I need a sleep coach?” We got this. 

    No one NEEDS a coach, right? 

    A couple of years ago, I made the decision to join a gym and take classes with a personal trainer. Why? Any of us could exercise on our own or at home. I can download “exercise at home” apps, and do press-ups on the living room floor every morning. But many of us (myself included!) struggle to make this effective, or a long-term commitment. Not because we are useless or undisciplined or lazy, but because it’s very difficult to keep turning up, be objective, give accurate feedback, and to do the energy boosting when it’s you coaching you.

    I know I can do things on my own. I can do exercise on a regular basis without a gym or a trainer. But am I going to push myself past where I think is comfortable? And the flip-side – am I able to support myself? Will I notice when I am over-doing it and accurately correct my form? Will I be kind when I need to be? And will I give myself helpful, constructive feedback that helps me make better choices?

    I might try to do all these things. But, if I am being honest with myself, I need external forces to help me be a better me.

    Dammit.

    So, a sleep coach might not be a necessity, but sleep is! And from my own experience, getting what you need is sometimes impossible without help. When you are sleep deprived, exhausted and run down, you are physically impaired and it’s extremely difficult to make good choices or decisions.

    Fundamentally, I see coaching as being ‘with you’. Not having all the answers, not telling you what to do. Instead, shining light on the resources and skills you already have and maybe nudging you towards your potential. When things are tough, that’s when you shouldn’t have to do it alone.

    When has coaching been useful for you?

  • Take one step

    If I had to choose one thing, and only one thing I could do every day that would make a difference to my sleep, it would be this.

    My morning walk.

    My sunrise serenade. My tired, drag-my-butt-outta-bed routine.

    Do I always want to get up? No.

    Will staying in bed make me feel any better? No.

    Do I get up every morning? Yes.

    The walk always wins. And for good reason. From all the reading I have done on healthy sleep and building good sleep habits, getting up first thing in the morning and getting a dose of fresh air and sunlight is right up there on all the “Top Tips For Improving Your Sleep” lists.

    Benefits:

    • getting sunlight helps reset your sleep/wake clock. The early morning light helps tell your brain that the day has started, and this will help you sleep at the right time when you go to bed at night
    • a consistent wake-up routine is really helpful for your sleep consistency overall
    • regular exercise is an important part of keeping healthy
    • walking is a great mood-booster, head-clearer and gets your day off to a positive start
    • the longer you fast overnight (from your evening meal to when you start eating food the next day) can also have health benefits, and delaying your breakfast and your morning coffee is even easier if you have something else to do – e.g., gulping fresh air as you skip around the block in your comfy sneakers like the morning walker that you are…

    So I want to share with you what setting up a morning walk might look like. Because it may sound like a good idea inside your head as you read this, but as we also all know, it only has benefits if you actually take those first steps and DO IT. So without a plan of action you know that tomorrow morning the chances of getting out of bed for that magical morning walk is highly unlikely.

    And that is why I am here to help get you from morning walk THINKER to morning walk DOER.

    The success of starting and maintaining a morning walk (or any habit) is to remove the obstacles that will stop the morning walk from happening. Therefore, your first steps are to reduce the decisions that need to be made, and have an easy plan to follow. So here’s my set up.

    Alarm.

    The alarm takes the decision making out of when to get up.

    I use an alarm because I have narcolepsy, and while the chances of me waking up at the same time every morning are very good, the chance that I will instantly fall back asleep is also very likely. So, alarm it is. That said, I have transitioned from a jingle jangle phone alarm, to a vibrate alarm on my watch. It’s a much more gentle awakening than a sing-song jingle jangle and it doesn’t have to wake anyone else.

    Walking clothes.

    These take the decision making out of what to wear.

    I have a whole walking outfit designed to be pulled on, half-asleep, in the dark. It’s only for walking, and it lives in the same place in the wardrobe (easy to find and no decisions need to be made. Just.Put.It.On.). There are layers for different seasons but everything fits with everything else and again, the decision making is limited to set options for set weather/temperature.

    Shoes.

    The comfy walk shoes are designated and the footwear decision is made.

    I have comfy walking shoes and I only wear these for the morning walk. So once the shoes go on, it’s morning walk time. These are set up by the front door, in “ready” position. Because these are my walking shoes and they have no other purpose in life than the morning walk, it would feel wrong not to let my shoes live the life they were meant for and take them out for a stroll every day.

    My trusty walking sneakers.

    Walking route.

    A pre-planned walk takes the decision making out of where to go.

    It’s easy if you don’t have to think about where you are going, so pre-design a walking track or two. I like to mix up the scenery a little, but effectively I have about three different walks I go on. All I have to do is decide which direction to kick off in, and then the walk maps itself. Making a decision at every street corner, juncture, or signpost about which way to go makes the walk more of an effort than it needs to be. It’s really relaxing when your body just knows where to go, and you can let your thoughts wander without needing to be alert to make choices.

    Attitude.

    A pre-determined mindset takes the don’t out of don’t want to.

    I wake up and I go for a walk. Non-negotiable. Again, there are no decisions that need to be made. Each morning, I get up with the attitude that the first thing I do is go for a morning walk. Raining? So it is. I will need to wear a jacket. Feeling really tired? Yes, I am. Maybe do the short loop instead of the long loop today. I don’t ask myself whether I want to go for a walk or not, I just go.

    Opportunities.

    Keeping curious makes the morning walk something to look forward to. No decisions needed.

    The morning walk is my thinking and meditating time. There is something so delicious about first thing in the morning – the day is untouched, brand new – and I notice the quiet and stillness. Perfect thought conditions. I also love the opportunity for sunrises. Before I became a morning walk kinda-person I didn’t know what I was missing out on. Now, I wouldn’t want to miss it! One of the other morning delights is noticing your neighbourhood. Walking slows everything down. You might see things you would otherwise have been oblivious to, and there are moments where you can connect (and high-5) with all the other morning walk people too.

    Sunrise makes it all worthwhile.

  • The Sleep Basics

    I have only recently woken up to the obvious: sleep is critical.

    It’s funny, because I don’t question the critical nature of breathing – stop doing that and life gets shorter pretty quickly.

    Shelter? Yup, we need that too. Depending on environmental conditions, a lack of shelter can put our health and safety seriously at risk within a matter of hours. Food and water, similarly, check. If these don’t get topped up, then it’s only a matter of days before we are heading down a slippery slope towards critical.

    But what about sleep?

    It’s just as critical as each of the aforementioned, but the underlying attitude I am most familiar with, is that sleep can be ignored. Sleep can be put off now and done later. For a long time my attitude towards sleep was captured in a huge dramatic sigh, and a very teenage, “do I haaaaaave to????” Sleep is so annoying. It takes up time when I could be living. And if I miss out on some sleep, so what? It doesn’t matter, I can always catch it up later, right?

    Well, yes and no.

    We all have nights where we don’t get enough sleep, and we all have varying levels of control over whether we get enough sleep or not. Sometimes we have big nights where we miss out on a lot of sleep – by our own choice or not. In these moments we experience “sleep debt,” which we try to “catch up” by getting a few good night’s sleep in, and feeling energised again in the short term (and forgetting how terrible it felt at the time).

    I remember when I was younger, after a really late night out, I would wake up and feel yuck. I didn’t drink a lot, but I presumed it was the alcohol that made me feel awful. Not sick so much, just a feeling of not being in my head or my body the next day. When I stopped drinking alcohol, I worked out I still felt the same “hangover” the next morning when I had a really late night.

    I was clocking up some good old-fashioned sleep debt. It didn’t feel good.

    So, if collecting sleep debt turns into our normal, then what kind of short and long-term health risks are we inviting into our lives?

    Sleep Foundation talks about how becoming sleep deprived “increases the risk of diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, and stroke”.

    Research has identified that maintaining brain health is one of the important functions of sleep. Therefore, if we go for long periods without quality sleep, it affects the brain’s ability to focus, remember and comprehend information. And I don’t know about you, but I really rate my brain’s ability to function. I’m a fan. Pro-brain all the way.

    Harvard Health Online outlines some research that questions whether sleep-debt can be repaid, and that playing catch-up with sleep debt may be an unhelpful story we are telling ourselves (2019). In other words, a lack of sleep during the week doesn’t necessarily get cancelled out by the socially-accepted reward of a weekend sleep-in. “Researchers found that subjects who cut their sleep down by five hours during the week, but made up for it on the weekend with extra sleep, still paid a cost. That cost included measurable differences: excess calorie intake after dinner, reduced energy expenditure, increased weight, and detrimental changes in how the body uses insulin.”

    Therefore, a lack of sleep may not only contribute to the risk of chronic diseases but also increases your chances of becoming overweight.

    Again, I am a fan of giving my body the best shot I can. I’m in my 50s now, and there is a tug of war already in place between the delights of food consumption, how much exercise I can commit to in a day and my body’s compulsion to put a little something extra away for those tough winter times that may be lurking on the horizon. In other words, forget will-power, discipline, and unhelpful diets, getting a decent sleep sounds like the easiest way to maintain a healthy weight – who knew?

    As I have started to understand sleep deprivation, and the negative impact it can have over time, my view on sleep has shifted dramatically. I now think it’s smarter to avoid getting into sleep debt in the first place. So, guess who has gotten all grown-up and goes to bed at a very sensible hour every night…?! (I want to say me, but it continues to be a work in progress). Ok, MOST nights it’s me.

    The good news is we can change our habits. Even better, with knowledge, we can mitigate the known health risks of sleep deprivation and reap the benefits of taking sleep seriously.

    What have you noticed has changed about your health when you pay attention to/ignore your need for quality sleep?

  • Who needs coaching?

    The first answer that pops into my head, is it’s ME. I need coaching!

    It might sound a little odd but one of the reasons for cooking up The Sleep Lab is that all these years of learning to live with narcolepsy, I have been in training as a sleep coach – coaching myself.

    Sleep has basically been a big mystery that I have had to untangle.

    Together, me (coach Liesel) and me (the desperate-for-help-with-my-sleep Liesel) have been working out strategies for managing my sleep. I think I have been pretty lucky. I have had support and access to education/knowledge, which has meant I have been able to slowly build systems that have helped me operate. At one level this try everything out approach has been an incredible source of learning, as I have personal experience of what can work and what doesn’t. Over time, I have been test-using my own systems, tweaking them, trying different ways, and then integrating these systems into routines. My own lived experience has helped me build up a number of excellent sleep/energy monitoring and managing methods. So thank you, narcolepsy!

    I also think if some of the sleep knowledge I have now had been available to me earlier, it would have freed up my (limited) energy for how I live my life and spend my time. In other words, I would have benefited from a real live sleep coach.

    So, The Sleep Lab is my attempt to do some untangling, some boosting and a bit of pushing (when needed) for you!

    I want to save you the effort and the energy of navigating a lack of information, feeling sleep deprived or full of sleepiness, and then attempting to make good decisions about life – by yourself. And to clarify in case you were thinking “but I don’t have narcolepsy”, sleep coaching is not just for people with a sleep condition like narcolepsy. I like to think sleep coaching is for anyone and everyone who is willing to commit to the process of transformation.

    So the question is, are you ready to untangle, get curious about small changes, and transform your sleep? I’m ready, whenever you are.

  • Sleep talk

    The ideal number of minutes for my afternoon naps is 15. I can also enjoy a 20 minute nap if I am feeling leisurely. But 15 is ideal. And usually I wake up refreshed but sometimes I have the strangest waking up experience.

    It happens when I have fallen asleep – without knowing I have fallen asleep. I may have been about to have a wee nap on the couch, and had every intention of setting an alarm, but oops, took too long, and fell asleep mid said set alarm process.

    So instead of a 15 minute nap (perfect!), it turns into an hour of wiped out dead sleep (yuck).

    By dead sleep, I kinda just mean that. I just conk out. There’s being awake, and there’s just not. And in this space I am not even sure if I dream. It just goes to black and I don’t know I’m asleep until I’m awake. Even then, on waking, I don’t really understand I have been asleep. 

    Because when it’s been one of these totally dead sleep nap-times, I will often wake up and have no idea of my reality. So I’m awake eyes open but brain is definitely still snoozing.

    What day is it? No idea.

    Where am I? Nope, nothing.

    Who am I? ❓️❓️❓️❓️

    It’s like my body has been yanked back to awake land, and my brain is still swimming around in the dreamy dark, wondering what is dark? Why is dark? Am I dark? Does dark exist when I am not being dark too…?

    Swimming in the dark, and trying to resurface. 

    Another way of explaining it is like your arm has gone numb and you can’t feel it at all (what arm? I don’t have an arm. Definitely can see it but definitely can’t feel it). 

    Then eventually you start to get a few funny sensations and then the feeling starts to flood back in. That’s kinda how the waking up from the oversleep dead sleep feels too. Only instead of your arm going numb, it’s your brain.

    Hang on, I know where I am. I’m in a room. What room…? Hmm…could be some kind of living room, or, wait…it is a living room…yes! I know this room! It’s my living room. And today is a day. It’s a day that’s not a Tuesday…wait…got it! It’s a Wednesday!

    It’s weird as the waking brain starts rippling and flexing, and the sleep brain slowly retreats again…back into it’s darkness.

    So weird. So, so weird.

    #everydaynarcolepsy

    #narcolepsy #sleep #awake #brain #alarm #weird

  • Something to offer

    It’s the day after pushing go on this website.

    I thought I would take a moment to think about why I started this whole sleep thing in the first place – as it’s been about a year since I got The Sleep Lab out of my head and started building it in the world.

    Last year (September 2024) I gave a talk as part of the awareness raising that goes on for World Narcolepsy Day. I had been selected to speak after taking part in Rising Voices, a programme run by Project Sleep. The purpose of the programme was to become an educated advocate for awareness of sleep conditions. The programme facilitated and mentored you, as you constructed your ‘story’ of your own journey from diagnosis, awareness and management to what living with a sleep condition looks like for you today and into the future.

    Anyway, I started writing my story, without knowing I had a story. I had never stopped to consider that what I was living with had some noteworthy moments. Or, that these moments had some tough bits. Or that I had been grappling with all kinds of things over the years, without acknowledging that narcolepsy might be playing a part in how I was feeling.

    I thought I was all aware. I was not.

    For example, I enrolled in a PhD programme – not the easiest or, let’s be honest, the smartest undertaking for anyone. It’s a frickin rollercoaster ride and a demanding course of study. It puts heavy demands on your time, your brain, your ability to manage a massive amount of information, and a deadline that usually means the money supporting you has run out. It taxes you mentally but also physically, and emotionally it can really mess with you too. (See, doing a PhD is not the smartest idea out there).

    But guess what this human right here was thinking? That’s right. I can do it!

    Not only I can do it – but – wait for it, I can do it at the same level, with the same expectations, pumping out the same amount of work, as any other person (without narcolepsy). Because I’m strong and resilient and tough, right?

    Except, guess what, I have narcolepsy. Oops, little piece of well known info I just conveniently keep leaving out of the equation. So it DOESN’T MATTER how strong and resilient I might think I am, my sleep condition still exists. Still has all the power over whether my eyes can stay open long enough to type this sentenc…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

    Anyway, there were many examples just like the PhD one dotted throughout my tough, resilient little life. However, when I signed up to participate in the Rising Voices programme, I had no idea this was going to be a significant experience for me – both cathartic and serendipitous. Or that a sleep lab would be born in its wake…

    The very first session in the programme got started, and one of the first things we did was go around the room and introduce ourselves. As people were talking, it hit me. I had never, ever been in a room (virtual or physical) with a whole group of people who also had narcolepsy. I had never had the experience of being around a group of people who “got it.” It was really powerful. I hadn’t been prepared for how that would make me feel. I had read something in the programme introductory stuff that said this might bring up emotions for people. Yeah, well that was something of an understatement. I had no idea I would have these deep feeeeeeelings continue to wash over me while I participated in the programme.

    Have you ever had an experience where you click with something – or someone? You all of a sudden realise this connection was missing in your life, but you didn’t know it wasn’t there until it was. This was that. There was something amazing about being around other people who were also living this funny, interrupted, dreamy, disappearing life. A sleepy life that is in many ways invisible to most people.

    It wasn’t just me! I wasn’t alone in this stuff! I wasn’t the weird one trying to explain why I just collapsed to the floor in a heap or fell asleep at lunch, mid-chew. Other people did this stuff too.

    While I was working on my story over the next few weeks, my partner would come into the room to find me crying over other people’s stories or my own memories of living with narcolepsy and trying to piece things together into some kind of story. It was weird and unexpected at the time but reflecting on it, the flow of feelings were deeply freeing and cathartic. I had been given permission somehow to own my sleep baggage and truly accept that I had a sleep condition – surprise, not surprise.

    It was also serendipitous. I had been trying to ignore my sleep condition all this time to live a “normal” life (see, look at me, all normal and asleep slumped mid-stairs at 10am. Nailing normal, for sure.) For years I had viewed narcolepsy as something preventing me to live in a meaningful way. It was a hindrance and an unwanted weight and something that ultimately stopped me from being me.

    After presenting my story, I had this profound realisation that I had something to offer – and this something wasn’t in spite of narcolepsy, it was because of it.

    Sleep colours just about every aspect of my life. I live and breathe this stuff. Instead of thinking of it as an affliction, perhaps it was a gift. What if my years of living and learning with narcolepsy, years where I had to develop ways to live a functioning and healthy life, to manage my sleep, and to test out the most effective ways to maintain energy, what if, if, if, it just might be valuable to other people too?

    Imagine that!

    And I did.

    And well, hello! Thank you for being here with me as the journey continues.

  • It’s your experiment

    It might not feel like it some days, but the good news is, you are in charge.

    Oh, this might need clarifying, as the reality is, despite our best efforts to seek some kind of control over life, none of us really are. Bummer huh? Or maybe deeply freeing?

    Regardless, the good news is you are in charge of your feelings and your responses.

    I know! Isn’t this exciting!

    No one else has the power to flick your switches on or off, unless you let them. The other great bit is no one else is to blame for the decisions you make and your response to things.

    Sure, I know, your neighbour playing their best of all drum ‘n’ bass from all eras all night long, is totally to blame for your lack of sleep and for feeling really grumpy …

    But, hang on…are they actually responsible for how you feel?

    Did they intentionally set out to keep you awake all night long? Good question. It might feel like it. But probably not – probably because they didn’t even think about you. So, even if the by-product of someone elses actions affects you directly, who has the problem – you or the neighbour?

    In this particular made-up-yet-quite-possible-scenario the neighbour is doing just fine (well, maybe sleep deprived too) but they are quite happy with the choice they made if all they are thinking about is just them. You, on the other hand, are sleep deprived, angry and frustrated by having a terrible night’s sleep, and ready to blame the neighbour for how you feel.

    This is all valid. The neighbour’s choices suck. It’s really hard when other people’s actions directly affect your quality of life. But they are not responsible for how you feel or for how you respond. These are your choices to make.

    And this is where it gets fun. You get to make choices. You have a whole lot of choices.

    By this, I just mean, despite any external pressures, expectations, responsibilities, or frustrations you are the one making the decisions.

    When work calls and asks you to do a last minute big ask (instead of you having a couple of hours free to just do you), do you feel like you have a choice? Or do you feel like you have to say yes to work? Does no even feel like an option? Because, guess what, it is an option.

    No, I won’t do X-thing today because I am putting time aside for me, is a very valid decision. Even when you might have time for X-thing, and X-thing might seem like a non-negotiable because it’s a Very. Important. Thing.

    You still have a choice. You always have choices. Of course, choices have consequences. And sometimes knowing the consequences might feel like that particular choice is not an option.

    Weighing choice against consequence – the thing I want to do vs. the result of this action – two things that are part of the beautiful balance of life.

    The Sleep Lab gives you permission to dive into some of this stuff. And a lot of these intentions live within The Sleep Lab name.

    We decided to call this sleep coaching venture The Sleep Lab because it conjures up several images:

    1. a place where research and new information can be gathered
    2. somewhere that gives permission to try things out and test what you know/don’t know
    3. the container to start designing your own change experiments
    4. a gathering point for personal scientists (that’s you!) to run experiments, observe the data, and collect evidence about your own needs, quirks, best practice

    The Sleep Lab is an opportunity to realise your own agency – particularly in relation to your sleep, and the choices you make that affect the quality of your sleep.

    By entering your “personal scientist” persona, it can create a new perspective to examine your own choices (cos let’s be honest, self-examination is not everyone’s jam, and it can feel a wee bit uncomfortable if you haven’t been brought up in that kinda space).

    Back to that choice/consequence balance of life.

    I don’t know about you, but I feel a whole lot more intrigued by running my own little Liesel Lab (with yours truly as Head Personal Scientist of the Liesel Lab) with daily decisions treated as experiments rather than measuring myself by how failed or successful today’s decision-making went. It’s all just learning.

    What are your thoughts?

  • Sleep Culture

    I didn’t know there was an unspoken culture around sleep in New Zealand until I developed narcolepsy and started falling asleep at ‘not-normal’ times (e.g., while a friend is telling me a really important moment in their life story) in ‘not-normal’ places (e.g., waiting in line at the bank).

    I get that seeing someone start to fall asleep in the middle of the day while standing up is not the usual. Or finding it hard not to stare in a cafe when someone (me) ends up with my hand in my latte – oops – fell asleep.

    I get it. Most of us sleep in private.

    But when you have no control over when or where you fall asleep, the way sleep is ‘seen’ or understood by a culture becomes much more obvious.

    My take on this? The underlying message (and sometimes not so subtle message) I have picked up from others while living in NZ, is that falling asleep in the daytime is weird, it can make other people feel uncomfortable, it’s a sign of laziness, it signals some kind of fail (clearly can’t handle your sleep deprivation, look at me I can stay awake on 4 hours sleep), and it is rude. Falling asleep at times that are not night time in your bed, is generally frowned upon.

    So let’s jump to South Korea 2001.

    I need to time-stamp my story as it’s now a lifetime ago, and culture evolves and changes. So this is my experience of Korean culture at that particular moment in time.

    Full disclosure, I fell in love with Korea. So everything I say is sprinkled with generous doses of spicy, sparkly, kimchi flavoured love. I fell hard for just about every person I saw, was awe-struck by the language, singing, dancing, and the 24/7 charge-up and go attitude. Food was a whole other world in itself. I had no idea what I was eating most of the time (to begin with anyway) and loved almost every new and delightful dish put in front of me.

    Ok, so it wasn’t all rose-tinted spectacles. I absolutely hated my first job. I was teaching 4 year old kiddies (a completely terrifying age) to read, write and speak english when they didn’t even know how to hold a pencil. Epic fail.

    But then I secured a fantastic job where my students were all grown-ups (in full control of their writing tools) and would yell out to me “I love you, teacher” and “you are so beautiful” whenever I would walk into the classroom.

    (The 4 year olds would just chuck their pencils on the floor and say they were done).

    Anyway, I digress (what was the point of this story again…?) So, I loved Korea, even with a crappy job (and let’s be honest, I actually grew to love the 4 year olds too). And once I had found my sweet spot with a teaching job that made me feel like a superstar everyday, I didn’t really think things could be any sweeter.

    But there was more.

    The cherry on the top?

    The complete acceptance of my sleep condition.

    Ok, so people stared at me all the time. I was a weirdo just by nature of being a white skinned foreign body who spoke english. For some people, I was the first “foreigner” they had ever met. I was pointed at, prodded, and my hair was patted and stroked by older women. Sometimes I was the cause of total elation (walk into a room and people scream with excitement) or the cause of rage (lock eyes with an older gentleman who decides you are responsible for everything wrong with the world and worthy of a couple of well-aimed taekwondo kicks while we are here). There was never a shortage of attention.

    But when it came to falling asleep in weird places at weird times – I was completely ignored. Nobody cared. If anything, this was when I fitted in and was most accepted as I just joined all the other people who were sleeping in weird places at weird times.

    In Korea, I could just be sleepy me. It was completely liberating. And was when I started to realise that I didn’t feel accepted when I fell asleep at odd times in New Zealand. This was probably when I first started to pay attention to the “culture of sleep” and how we view sleep.

    And I think we have work to do.